“I’m doing the very best I can…at home.” Ps 101:2 TM
If you’re trying to blend “his” and “her” children into one big, happy family, a marriage counselor offers some helpful insights you’d do well to adopt. What we call romantic bliss, our children often see as domestic upheaval. So: (1) Realize it takes work to resolve your problems and build intimacy. Keep reading First Corinthians, chapter thirteen: the key to a strong family is “love.” You must practice it every day. Your kids take their cue from you, so in times of stress maintain a loving attitude. (2) Remember that you had a choice, your children didn’t. They didn’t ask to be put in this situation, so be understanding and work to strengthen their sense of security during this difficult time of transition. (3) Don’t expect instant bliss. Be realistic about the challenges involved in blending two families. There’s no such thing as instant intimacy or total compatibility. It takes time to develop strong bonds and stabilize a family, so “easy does it.” (4) Allow time to grieve past losses. Jesus said, “Those…who grieve…will find comfort!” (Mt 5:4 CEV). At the time of their parents’ second marriage many children have already lived in three different family units: their biological family, their single parent family, and now their new blended family. Plus, if your own biological children aren’t living with you, you may experience a personal sense of loss. Failure to acknowledge this will result in anger and alienation, so deal with the past before taking on the future.
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